Friday, June 24, 2011

Aaahhh Poison

We all know those unforgettable song lyrics Bret Michaels sang to us way back when ..."its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all". That song got me through many the break ups. All those high school crushes and exes I thought I could NEVER live without. Thank God your world expands as you grow older. And no that's not a dig at any ex from high school, I don't regret a single one of you.

I bring up those lyrics because I have always believed them. Not just in love but in terms of everyday experiences. They've helped me try new things and take leaps of faith. Over the past few days I question them. Is it really better to suffer a loss or just to be happy not knowing the experience? Going on your naive little way?

Last week I went to FL for 6 days. Those who don't know, I live in CT. Great old New England with the cold and unpredictable weather. In FL my RA went away. Completely! I kid you not. I did not wake up with stiff swollen joints. You know, when you just wake up, and you lay there knowing your gonna hurt as soon as you move. GONE! My cane collected dust in the car. Still used the chair at the parks to conserve energy but that was 2 days. Woke up at 10 every morning and did not need a nap EVER! Didn't wear my pain patch a few times and I was fine! RA. Gone. Done!

It was AMAZING!! I knew I felt bad everyday but I didn't realize until it was gone. Which brings me to the lyrics I quoted a few moments ago. I came home and the pain and every thing else with it came back. Worse! Well I'm sure not worse I guess. I was just feeling that way because I got used to being pain free.

I am glad I got to enjoy my vacation to the fullest. As great as it I feel worse now because I got a reminder of how I'm supposed to be? How life would be if this stupid disease didn't invade my body. A part of me wished I didn't know because it just makes me more pissed off, angry, and frustrated.

So is it better to have loved and lost than never to be loved at all?


  1. I think you were running on vacation high...happy stuff our bodies produce (like my techie explanation). I found Florida to be harder on my joints if it is in its typical humid environment. Can we figure out a way to bottle this vacation medicine?

  2. Believe me I have been job searching...